They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize