Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
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Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
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Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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