WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize