I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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