Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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