Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize