In the future we'll all be gay
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
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we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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