Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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