I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize