I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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