I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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