dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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