I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
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