Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize