We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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