Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
bring money and cleavage
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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