I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
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