1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize