Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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