Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Fuck appropriateness.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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