I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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