if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
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her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
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I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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