Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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