You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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