You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
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just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
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I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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