I could have mohawked her pubes.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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