Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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