and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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