Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize