I can text with my tongue
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize