a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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