I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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