How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize