my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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