I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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