I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
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Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
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That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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