Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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