i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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