Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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