This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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