I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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