My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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