insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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