You can't special order awesome
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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