Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
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uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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