I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
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Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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