Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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