did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
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Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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