So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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