I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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